DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter has problems with her social life.
She is a bright, kind-hearted girl, but lately she has been finding it difficult to feel included in her circle of friends.
Recently, she came home very upset because one of her close friends was hosting a birthday party and hadn’t invited her. When my daughter asked her friend why she wasn’t invited, the friend explained that her mother had told her she could only invite five people to the party to balance out the number of guests.
This is not the first time she has been excluded from socialising with her friends outside of school hours. These incidents have seriously affected her self-confidence and she feels depressed as a result.
As a parent, it is heartbreaking to see your child struggling with friendships and feeling left out. I want to support her and help her, but I’m not sure what the best approach is.
Should I encourage her to talk to her friend about her feelings? Should I contact the friend’s mother to learn more about the situation? What can I do to help her self-esteem during this difficult time?
I want my daughter to have a happy childhood and not have to struggle so much to fit in.
— Teenage problems
DEAR TEENAGE PAIN: Your daughter needs to move on from these friends and build a new circle of friends. Obviously, these friends are not caring for her the way she deserves.
She could talk to her friend and tell her how she feels before she leaves. You could talk to the mother, but I suspect the girl used her mother as an excuse to shut your daughter out.
When my circle of friends turned against me at her age, my mother told me to leave, lick my wounds, and chart a new course for myself. That’s what I did. It hurt to lose my friends, but I realized that they weren’t real friends anyway because none of them tried to win me back.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 29 years old and have been with my boyfriend for a few years. We have a great relationship, but work-life balance is a problem for him.
My boyfriend works long hours and is often busy with his work, even in our free time.
While I understand that his career is important and that he can provide for us financially, I am worried about the future. I have always imagined getting married and having children, and I want to start a family soon.
Given his current work habits, will he be able to participate in the lives of our children and take an active part in their education?
I have tried to raise the issue with him several times, but the discussions have not led to any meaningful changes.
I love him and appreciate everything he does for us, but I also need a partner who will support our family in more ways than just financially.
I can’t decide if I should keep hoping for a change or if it’s time to move on and find someone whose lifestyle better matches my own ideas about family life.
– Will he change?
DEAR, HE WILL CHANGE?: Talk openly with your partner. Ask him if he wants a family and if he is willing to adjust his schedule if you have children. Tell him that you are worried that he will be an absent father and that this is a deal breaker for you.
Listen and watch. His words and actions will tell you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle designer and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people achieve their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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